Our suffering is directly proportional to our ignorance and unconsciousness.
One day when we were young, very young we arrived at our nursing school, excited we ran to the entrance gate, looking forward to play with our favourite swing. That day we stumbled, we hit the door, we fell to the ground, we got hurt and we cried heartbroken.
Our mother/father (or beloved caretaker) was chatting with other parents and when she heard our cries, immediately ran to rescue us. Our pain invaded her heart and she jumped to criticize someone for not having been there with us, protecting us. How could this happen? Without noticing, she declared herself guilty. Driven by the automatic repair system of her own need for feeling powerless, she did what she learned from her own parents and culture: get angry and blame the outside.
With her body embracing us warmheartedly and her finger pointing to the door she screamed: “Bad/Foolish door! It´s your fault!” That gesture was supposed to have a soothing effect on our pain, this is the reason she checked our grimace. Though that insult did not diminish our pain, sooner than later we learned to comfort ourselves by comforting our restless mother taking her “medicine”: receive the hug and learn to find guilt in something or someone outside.
The door is a material object and as such lacks the ability to defend itself from these absurd accusations, so the “drug” flows freely through our small body, mind and heart. Interestingly enough the accusations against the “door for its wickedness” reassure us. We want to be a good child and so we learn and copy the model: we turn ourselves to the wicked door and shout: “Bad/Foolish Door!”
At a very young age, we learn that if something hurts us, the way to go around it is to polarize good and bad. The door is bad and therefore I am good! That is: I am the victim of someone or something who is guilty for causing me this pain. On top, at that early age our definition of self derives from our main caretakers. We feel we are am mummy´s/daddy´s girl or boy, because we follow their steps, with respect, without questioning what they tell me, if by doing so we sense we may unsettle them. We surrender our inquisitive mind and our freedom and enter into the flow of our “domestication process”.
We grow up not knowing how to deal with our difficult emotions. We have learned to run away from them and declare the outside somehow responsible for what we do not know how to solve.
Today we know that this way of approaching life causes us helplessness and suffering. We know our chances to enjoy happy relationships are slim.
If we want to stop suffering we need to discipline our minds, train them to think in a healthy non-judgemental way, cleanse them form obsolete belief systems that are attached to suffering.
Star performers are not necessarily the richest, most popular and handsome persons, they are the most happy ones, regardless of their circumstances.